Why you’re losing trust as a leader (and how to turn it around)
(Read time: 2 mins)
As a high-performing leader, you know trust is everything. Your team relies on you to guide them through tight deadlines, demanding clients, and high-stakes projects. But what happens when things go wrong?
Imagine this: A team member makes a mistake. Perhaps they miss a critical detail in a client brief or overlook an important email, leaving your team scrambling to fix things. Frustrated, you lose your temper, snapping at the team and placing blame.
While it might feel good to vent, this reaction erodes trust—the foundation your team relies on to thrive. The good news? You can turn it around by developing self-regulation, an essential emotional intelligence (EQ) skill.
Trust: the cornerstone of leadership
Trust is vital to successful teams. It fosters confidence, collaboration, and risk-taking, which fuel innovation and growth. Research from McKinsey & Company shows that high-trust teams outperform others in engagement, creativity, and performance.
However, trust is fragile—especially in high-pressure environments where mistakes are inevitable. As a leader, your reactions to setbacks shape your team’s culture.
How self-regulation builds trust
Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions under stress. Staying calm, thinking before reacting, and responding constructively all demonstrate leadership your team can rely on.
Here’s how self-regulation helps build trust:
Stability in crisis: Calm leaders create a productive environment. Neuroscience reveals that your composure prevents others from entering "fight-or-flight" mode, enabling rational problem-solving.
Solutions over blame: Instead of focusing on mistakes, self-regulation shifts the team towards solutions. This reduces fear and encourages accountability.
Empathy and understanding: Emotional control lets you respond with empathy. Offering support instead of criticism strengthens trust and connection.
Real-life example
Imagine a critical press release goes out with a mistake. Frustrated, you could snap, assigning blame and damaging trust.
But by pausing and staying composed, you can focus on solutions. Saying, “I know this is tough, but let’s work together to fix it and learn from it” reduces tension, encourages accountability, and reinforces trust.
Building a culture of trust
Creating a high-trust culture requires consistent effort. Here are five practical steps:
Pause before reacting: Take a moment to breathe and respond thoughtfully.
Encourage accountability, not blame: Promote learning over punishment.
Lead with empathy: Understand emotions to support growth.
Foster open communication: Make it safe to voice concerns and admit mistakes.
Model composure: Your calm behaviour sets the tone for the team.
Google’s Project Aristotle found that psychological safety—where people feel safe to take risks and share ideas—is the top factor in team success. Trust is key to creating that safety.
Final thought
Self-regulation isn’t just a leadership skill—it’s a superpower. By managing your emotional responses, you create an environment of trust, psychological safety, and collaboration. Start small: next time things go wrong, pause, stay calm, and lead your team towards solutions.
For further insights on EQ and leadership, explore Daniel Goleman’s framework for emotional intelligence and the 12 competencies (including emotional self-control) here.
